What I believe in (written last year)

I believe that there is God. I believe that we are not here by chance and that some greater being bigger than ourselves have put us here. I don’t necessary believe that I’m related to Adam and Eve, but I definitely believe that God who was there in the beginning.

I believe that humans are innately imperfect and that no matter how hard they try to be, they will never become perfect. I understand this: our lives are like a puzzle with millions of missing pieces, but by believing and trusting God, His limitless grace and mercy can make us whole.

I believe that humans cannot help but be sinners. Here’s the way I understand it: every human has a body and soul. The body is the flesh and the soul is a clear bubble. At t=0, the soul of a baby is perfect and pure, but at t=0+, humans begin to sin. Every time he sins, a spot gets attached to the bubble. In a lifetime, a person may sin a lot (jealousy, lust, hatred, etc.) and his soul (bubble) gets heavy with spots. When that person dies, the body (flesh) stays on Earth, but the soul (bubble) naturally tries to rise. Often times, it’s too heavy with sin and it can’t rise. However, because God’s grace and mercy is so great, He has the power to cleanse the soul (bubble) of sin so that it can become light enough to rise to heaven.

I understand the trinity. Here’s how I understand it: God is like an amoeba or a nebula. He has the capacity to take on many forms. In Genesis, He’s just this blob, amorphous form that humans cannot understand. I believe that because God wanted mankind to know him, He sent his Son Jesus Christ down to Earth so that humans can understand and know God through someone who’s closer to them than God. So although Jesus is called the Son of God, He’s not necessarily “lower” than God. In fact, they are the same “specie” God.

God really wanted us to know Him which is why he took the risk that some people wouldn’t accept Him and others would persecute Him. He did this out of love. At this point, I can see how unworthy we are of His love, because instead of understanding him or loving him back, we denied Him and sent Him to his death. Even though, God knew this that this was going to happen, he still took the chance because He was glad of how many hearts he was able to touch.

Jesus’s death is a proof of the degree of sacrifice that He wants to demonstrate. He wants to show us that even though we are unworthy of His love, he still loved us enough to “walk straight to death” if it meant that some of us can be given a chance to get to know Him. Jesus’s rise from the dead is to show that He is God, became man, now still God.

Muddy part (confused):

I believe that Jesus’s short existence on Earth was a symbol/evidence of God’s love for us. However, I DO NOT believe that Jesus is still physically active right now. But his spiritual legacy still remains. This is similar to Revolutionary War heroes: although the soldiers who fought the war are now dead, but their spiritual legacy, dreams and hope still remain. Without these soldiers, we wouldn’t have America. However, they are not here to maintain the dream they fought under. Like the soldiers, Jesus is not here anymore, but he had served his purpose. He had left a legacy of dream/purpose followers (aka Christians) who is here to serve out the ideal that he had sacrificed his life for.

On reaching conviction:

I believe that this is a two way street. I believe that God definitely play the crucial role in influencing a person’s belief. However, God still cannot change the way a person thinks; that person must really work hard to accept God. So I think it’s wrong to say that convictions and acceptance of God were solely the work of God, because it’s not, I think the person has to have done a lot of work too.

For instance, I’m already 20 and I have developed certain sets of beliefs. I have my own value system and my own sense of right or wrong. Therefore it will take a lot of effort to change the way I believe and the way I respond to certain messages. But I believe I can do it. I just need to firmly change the way I believe. And the way to do it is just like the methods used in debate teams. For example, if you are to lead a debate about PRO-ABORTION, but in truth you are against it. But you had to argue in favor of abortion. Often it’s found that good debaters are those who are passionate about the subject. So in order to be a good debater, it’s optimal if one tries to change his beliefs. So everyday, you would practice your lines, read books, hang out other pro-abortionists. And probably, by the day of the competition, you would be pretty ingrained in the pro abortion area and mostly likely when you open your mouth to talk, you believe.

Because you told yourself so much that you believed, you eventually believed. There’s a sense of commitment involved (researching, talking with friends), kind of like the foot in the door example (remember 15.301?). You’ve done it so much that eventually you’ve changed your belief.

Perhaps, that’s how one should seek God? Go to sleep saying: I believe in God. Wake up saying: I believe in God. Pray a lot, read the bible, hang out with Christian people. And eventually, I will get used to it and it will become second nature to me. And at that time, I will believe (?)

Questions:

1) Why did Jesus Christ die for our sins? Instead of by our sins?

2) If Jesus sacrificed so much, why do humans still sin?

3) Does Jesus do the “cleaning” of soul? Or is he an idea of the past?

4) How does believing in God and Jesus help us get rid of our sins?

5) How does this work?

6) After Jesus rose from the dead, did he go back to joining God in heaven? Did he become a part of God again? Or is he still his separate entity?

7) What is the most effective way to pursue God?

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And the most important question of all: where am I now in terms of my vertical and horizontal relationships? And how will I chose to grow?

Am I leading a "chabuduo" life?

Now I understand why people hate Mondays...it's the thought that there's a whole week coming and there's no way to hide or make the time go slower on the weekend or faster on the week days. In my chinese class, we read an article, "Chabuduo xiansheng" describing how the Mr. Chabuduo would lead his blah, mundane life because he didn't care whether his life has meaning. He doesn't put passion into his work or demand perfection because he believes that there's no point. Life, to him, is about the same, whether you work hard, or slack off. I even wrote an article about my opposition to Mr. Chabuduo's mentality, about how the life I wanted to lead would be filled with excitement and passion....

And the question is: is it? Am I?

First Weekend = Fun Weekend

Since school had started this past Wednesday, I have spent about a total of $800. ~$600 of which was spent on textbooks, the rest spent on getting the necessary back-to-school items such a desk lamps and floor mirrors. Now with all the stuff bought, I can settle back in my utmost single and study right? Wrong. The first weekend of the semester always means spending time with friends. Since experience tells me that as a student at MIT, one does not receive much free time as others. So the best way is to take advantage of every opportunity and to use every minute efficiently, whether it's to play or to work.

This weekend was kicked off with dinner at Spice at Harvard Sq. Along with Helen Liang and Patricia Zheng, we devoured 2 dishes and 1 appetizer and coughed up $11 each. Not as cheap as Victoria's Seafood, but still pretty good. We got spring rolls for the appetizer and for the dishes, we got a chicken chow fun (?) and Ocean Madness (various seafood). Mmmm. After dinner, as usual, we marched to Ben and Jerry and shared 2 large cups of icecream. Since Jelly wasn't here, we got more chocolate flavors than usual. The flavors included: turtle soup (mmm, I really like this one), Banana on the Rum (this one is so gooooood!), Phish Food, NY Fudge, Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz, and Chocolate Brownie. It was mmmm, delicious! Unlike Jelly, Helen's skinny physique could not help us finish majority of the dish, so Patricia and I ended up eating most of it. After I got home, I was so hyper, guess I wasn't used to having so much chocolate and cofee in my system.



Saturday morning, I woke up bright and early to a bright, summer day (haha). It was 80 degrees out and it was the Boston Food tour! I have never been on one before, so it was a great experience to just go out and hang out with people I wouldn't normally hang out with. I didn't eat too much, but that Passion Pina Colada I had was awesome! I also went to Haymarket for the first time. Dirt cheap fruit and vegetables, so i got some grapes and peaches.



This had been so much fun. Unfortunately, as a college student, who still depends on her education to carry her far in life, still needs to come home and focus on her schoolwork. The rest of today and all of tomorrow will be dedicated to studying, doing work, and learning. It's weird, but now I am so energized!

Saturday afternoon: I spent a good majority of the time reading my 15.535 book, which was very interesting actually. It's basically an overview of all business analysis and all of the strategies that the business might use to put their companies in the best light possible. Later, that afternoon, I had the two slices of pizza that I got from the Ballroom dancing event and I trudged on with the reading. After printing out the Chinese essay that I should read, I realized that this essay is hard!!! I didn't know half of the word phrases or its meanings! I dont know if it's because the author is Taiwanese or it's because I'm an idiot. Later, in the evening, I had a talk with Kah Seng as we talked about our issues with each other.

I think communication is a wonderful thing, because everyone participates and everyone wins (hopefully). Communication is the first step for people to get to know each other more and an effective way to figure out the differences.